Kitty Wants Out

See? She has candy. She knows how to celebrate the season.

She also has a T-Rex. There’s time to run though. He’s not finished (still being sewn).

Every once in a while, I feel pressured great joy to cover the antics of Kitty, even after forgiving her time after time for stealing the loose change out of my wallet. (Though how she managed to do that while carrying that cupcake in her two hands is something for the Guinness Book of Records I guess.) Even now, she’s not really doing anything worth mentioning. Just standing there on the desk staring at me. I don’t know if that means she’s plotting mischief or taking a break.

My bad. She’s saying something.

Kitty: I’m bored. Need to get out of the house. So, how do I muscle in on this Halloween thing?
Me (staring blankly at her): What do you mean?
Kitty: Halloween. How do I profit by it?
Me: There’s no profit to be made. You pass out candy to kids or to adults who show up in costume at your door. That’s it.
Kitty: Easy peasy. I’ll just make candy. Get me some construction paper and I’ll draw some to give out.
Me: You have to give real candy! Otherwise people will come after you with tar and pitchforks. (Under my breath) You should be used to that treatment by now.
Kitty: Did you say something?
Me (innocent): Me? No.
Kitty (sounding menacing, though standing there with a cupcake kinda renders this moot): I didn’t think so.
Me (trying to be helpful): You can get a bag of candy at the store for $2.99.
Kitty (light bulb): Ah. Get several bags. We can sell ’em to your neighbors for $17.50 a bag.
Me (knowing the futility of explaining to her that no one in his or her right mind would pay almost six times the price for a bag of candy that he/she could get at the store for $2.99): I see where you’re going with that.
Kitty (gleefully rubbing her hands while still holding on to that cupcake): I’ll make a fortune. Run along to the store now. We’ll be grifting in no time.

Sigh. Of course, you know this scheme is doomed. As a probable aftermath, I can’t help thinking:

Better get used to these bars, kid.

(If you know what movie this line is from, please tell me in the comments. [I already know the movie, BTW.])

Have a happy and safe Halloween.

On a more sobering note: Thinking about and praying for the families of the victims of the recent Pittsburgh shooting. As you grieve, know that others are grieving with you.

Photos by L. Marie.

Guest Post: Remember Me? The Triumphant Return of Kitty

While I continue working on a project I’m writing under a different name (long story), here is a guest post. Over the years, I’ve had guest posts from some fabulous writers. But this is the first time, I’ve been coerced into invited an individual who is neither a writer nor a humanitarian. I don’t know what she is, really. A self-proclaimed megalomaniac? A deceptively adorable individual with a cupcake and an evil plan? A—

Okay, enough of L. Marie’s inane babbling. If the Incredibles can return to the silver screen, then of course, I can return to this blog—pitiful platform though it may be.

Where have I been? you might ask. I know I haven’t been seen since my photo showed up in this blog post. Not that I had a choice—L. Marie stuck her phone in my face without even asking if I wanted my photo taken.

I’ve hijacked this blog to explain what I’ve been up to: mainly hiring lackeys to enact my plan for world domination. As for lackeys, you take what you can get. And the pickings are slim. Look at them.

You can’t get good help these days, especially when your budget is low. But I think I can make something out of this crew. I don’t mean to brag, but people have remarked on how good I am as a leader.

Good? Hmmph. The fools! They underestimate my genius!

“Why don’t you make something of your life? Why turn to evil?” I’m often asked. To which I reply with silence. I don’t have to answer every silly question. Just know that the world will once again cower in fear when I unleash my lackeys.

Sure, they look friendly.

   

Apple Blossom (photo at right) was not available on the day the lackey group photo above was taken.

Some of them look downright helpless and foolish.

But a smile can hide an unlikely villain. With the right person to train him or her, a smile can be as deadly as a blade.

I’m suddenly reminded of what the Mandarin, a man I greatly admire, said in Iron Man 3, “You’ll never see me coming.” And that’s why—

L. Marie here, having wrested control of this blog once more. Please ignore what you just read. The police have been called, though Kitty unfortunately escaped with some of my loose change. Oh well. I’m fairly certain we’ve seen the last of her.

Maybe.

Sir Ben Kingsley as the Mandarin photo from flickeringmyth.com. Other photos by L. Marie. Shopkins, Shopkins Cutie Car and Lemony Limes Shoppie doll were manufactured by Moose Toys. Hello Kitty was made for McDonald’s by Sanrio. LOL baby by MGA Entertainment.

Kitty Returns—My 400+ Post

Actually, this is my 411th post. I meant to commemorate the 400th post, but totally forgot about that milestone until now. Better late than never right?

Which brings me to the subject of this post: Kitty, or as she is sometimes known, Hello Kitty. She has not been seen since this post. Guess she’s been kinda busy. Being a supervillain can be difficult, especially if you’re carrying a cupcake and generally look sweet. Perhaps you can relate.

If you’re like Kitty, to make up for those deficits, you try to be extra clever as you work through your nefarious schemes. You travel the world, making sure the world is worth your time and effort to take it over. And you hire henchpeople and supervise them, or delegate that responsibility to thugs who don’t often have your work ethic.

You also speak to large crowds, making sure they understand your demands, and are aware of their place—squarely beneath the heels of your fur-lined jackboots.

I caught up with Kitty at her latest rally, and watched her address the crowd, hearing their mournful sighs as she unveiled her master plan for world domination. I had a few questions for her afterward.

Me: So, what’s it like being an icon for females young and old who love carrying backpacks shaped like you? By the way, that doesn’t seem like supervillainy to me.

Kitty: It’s part of the plan, L. All part of the plan.
Me: I see. So, will you tell me what’s going on in the photo below? Is that a crocheted beaker? Is Jordie (below left) one of your henchpeople? Since when do you have a minion (below right)? And is Jordie spelled J-O-R-D-I-E or J-O-R-D-Y? I haven’t been very consistent on this blog, because I wasn’t sure of the spelling.

Kitty: No. Yes. Yes. None ya.
Me: Huh?
Kitty: No, I won’t tell you what’s going on in that photo. Like the rest of the world, you’ll have to wait and see. But by then, it will be too late for you. Mwahahahaha! Yes, that is a crocheted beaker. How observant of you. Yes, Jordie is one of my henchpeople. And none of your business whether or not I have a minion. Hence the term none ya.
Me: You’re rude.
Kitty: Thank you. I try. And for the record, Jordie prefers the J-O-R-D-I-E spelling.
Me: Gotcha. And what is the significance of this photo?

Kitty: Don’t ask. Just . . . don’t.
Me: Well, can you at least tell me why Gandalf is in the beaker in this photo?

Kitty: That’s actually a funny story.
Me: I’d love to hear it.
Kitty: Too bad! I won’t tell it to you. Mwahahahahaha!
Me (sighing): I give up.
Kitty: That’s what I like to hear!

So, there you have it. A supervillain’s work seems confusing and secretive at times—kind of like the thinking processes of this intrepid blogger.

Thanks for sticking around for 411 posts. You can count on me to bring you the 4-1-1 (that’s old slang for information if you’re completely confused) on the weird, the whimsical, and the wild.

Photos by L. Marie.

Children’s Book Week: Spread the Joy of Reading

Hope the Fourth was with you and you had a pleasant Cinco de Mayo! This week is special in still another way. May 4–10 was officially designated Children’s Book Week by the Children’s Book Council. You can read more about this literacy effort here.

Children’s Book Week poster illustrated by the awesome Grace Lee

I love the idea of a week dedicated to promoting books for kids. After all, A Wrinkle in Time, a book written for kids by Madeleine L’Engle, is what started me on the path to becoming a writer. I was eight years old when I read it, because of the significant adults in my life. My parents were, and still are, readers. They read to fairy tales to me at night and provided books by Dr. Seuss and P. D. Eastman to encourage my brothers and me as we learned to read.

 

Caring librarians also were stalwart champions of books. My elementary school librarian introduced me to Madeleine L’Engle’s books and many others. Also, the children’s librarians at the branch library I frequented in Chicago helped me come home with armloads of books (like Charlotte’s Web by E. B. White).

As I think of such an abundance of books, I can’t help thinking of a scene in the 1996 movie adaptation of Matilda by Roald Dahl (I read the book too), when Matilda discovered the joy of checking books out of the library. She brought home wagonloads. I didn’t have a wagon, but I usually brought home quite a few books each week.

Mara Wilson as Matilda

I love recommending books to kids and teens. So I can’t help feeling sad when kids tell me they don’t read books at all. Some are so swamped at school, they have little downtime at home. Others are nonreaders by choice now, though an occasional book series like the Harry Potter (J. K. Rowling), the Hunger Games (Suzanne Collins), or Divergent (Veronica Roth) captured their attention for a little while. Still, I remain an advocate of books in their lives, even if they are content to avoid them.

Book cover by the equally awesome Kazu Kibuishi, who has a wonderful graphic novel series—Amulet. See cover at the end of this post.

This week—or any week—you can be a children’s book champion. Even if you don’t have an opportunity to recommend a book to a kid, you can pick one up for yourself. Connect with a book that makes your inner child sing.

Even supervillains read.

Great books to introduce to a kid:

 

What was your favorite book when you were a kid? What book, if any, would you consider to have been very influential in your life? Why?

Children’s Book Week from usatoday.com. Mara Wilson as Matilda from hellogiggles.com. Most book covers from Goodreads. Harry Potter cover from unademagiaporfavor.blogspot.com. Stacks of books from blogs.hpedsb.on.ca.