Kitty Wants Out

See? She has candy. She knows how to celebrate the season.

She also has a T-Rex. There’s time to run though. He’s not finished (still being sewn).

Every once in a while, I feel pressured great joy to cover the antics of Kitty, even after forgiving her time after time for stealing the loose change out of my wallet. (Though how she managed to do that while carrying that cupcake in her two hands is something for the Guinness Book of Records I guess.) Even now, she’s not really doing anything worth mentioning. Just standing there on the desk staring at me. I don’t know if that means she’s plotting mischief or taking a break.

My bad. She’s saying something.

Kitty: I’m bored. Need to get out of the house. So, how do I muscle in on this Halloween thing?
Me (staring blankly at her): What do you mean?
Kitty: Halloween. How do I profit by it?
Me: There’s no profit to be made. You pass out candy to kids or to adults who show up in costume at your door. That’s it.
Kitty: Easy peasy. I’ll just make candy. Get me some construction paper and I’ll draw some to give out.
Me: You have to give real candy! Otherwise people will come after you with tar and pitchforks. (Under my breath) You should be used to that treatment by now.
Kitty: Did you say something?
Me (innocent): Me? No.
Kitty (sounding menacing, though standing there with a cupcake kinda renders this moot): I didn’t think so.
Me (trying to be helpful): You can get a bag of candy at the store for $2.99.
Kitty (light bulb): Ah. Get several bags. We can sell ’em to your neighbors for $17.50 a bag.
Me (knowing the futility of explaining to her that no one in his or her right mind would pay almost six times the price for a bag of candy that he/she could get at the store for $2.99): I see where you’re going with that.
Kitty (gleefully rubbing her hands while still holding on to that cupcake): I’ll make a fortune. Run along to the store now. We’ll be grifting in no time.

Sigh. Of course, you know this scheme is doomed. As a probable aftermath, I can’t help thinking:

Better get used to these bars, kid.

(If you know what movie this line is from, please tell me in the comments. [I already know the movie, BTW.])

Have a happy and safe Halloween.

On a more sobering note: Thinking about and praying for the families of the victims of the recent Pittsburgh shooting. As you grieve, know that others are grieving with you.

Photos by L. Marie.

Guest Post: Remember Me? The Triumphant Return of Kitty

While I continue working on a project I’m writing under a different name (long story), here is a guest post. Over the years, I’ve had guest posts from some fabulous writers. But this is the first time, I’ve been coerced into invited an individual who is neither a writer nor a humanitarian. I don’t know what she is, really. A self-proclaimed megalomaniac? A deceptively adorable individual with a cupcake and an evil plan? A—

Okay, enough of L. Marie’s inane babbling. If the Incredibles can return to the silver screen, then of course, I can return to this blog—pitiful platform though it may be.

Where have I been? you might ask. I know I haven’t been seen since my photo showed up in this blog post. Not that I had a choice—L. Marie stuck her phone in my face without even asking if I wanted my photo taken.

I’ve hijacked this blog to explain what I’ve been up to: mainly hiring lackeys to enact my plan for world domination. As for lackeys, you take what you can get. And the pickings are slim. Look at them.

You can’t get good help these days, especially when your budget is low. But I think I can make something out of this crew. I don’t mean to brag, but people have remarked on how good I am as a leader.

Good? Hmmph. The fools! They underestimate my genius!

“Why don’t you make something of your life? Why turn to evil?” I’m often asked. To which I reply with silence. I don’t have to answer every silly question. Just know that the world will once again cower in fear when I unleash my lackeys.

Sure, they look friendly.

   

Apple Blossom (photo at right) was not available on the day the lackey group photo above was taken.

Some of them look downright helpless and foolish.

But a smile can hide an unlikely villain. With the right person to train him or her, a smile can be as deadly as a blade.

I’m suddenly reminded of what the Mandarin, a man I greatly admire, said in Iron Man 3, “You’ll never see me coming.” And that’s why—

L. Marie here, having wrested control of this blog once more. Please ignore what you just read. The police have been called, though Kitty unfortunately escaped with some of my loose change. Oh well. I’m fairly certain we’ve seen the last of her.

Maybe.

Sir Ben Kingsley as the Mandarin photo from flickeringmyth.com. Other photos by L. Marie. Shopkins, Shopkins Cutie Car and Lemony Limes Shoppie doll were manufactured by Moose Toys. Hello Kitty was made for McDonald’s by Sanrio. LOL baby by MGA Entertainment.