Supervillain Preparedness Plan

robots_incrediblesBefore I reveal the winner of Don’t Touch by the awesome Rachel M. Wilson, I have to pose this question: Would you know what to do if supervillains or giant robots took over your city or town? Watching movies like Megamind and The Incredibles and also watching a slew of superhero shows made me realize my lack of preparedness. Usually when supervillains attack or send surrogates (like killer robots), many people run helter skelter or drive their cars while screaming. Eventually those drivers crash into each other or into stationary objects (like plate glass windows) and cause even more chaos. Those who aren’t running and screaming just stand there waiting for the superheroes to show up and fight on their behalf. They offer no assistance when the heroes show up. My guess is they don’t quite know what to do, especially if they haven’t been bitten by a radioactive spider or are sadly lacking a power ring.

  megamind-movie-wallpapers-a Lex_Luthor

Archvillains Megamind and Lex Luthor

While you wait for the Avengers, Superman, Wonder Woman, Batman, or Spider-man to show up, you can be proactive. Think of how proactive you are when you learn about a storm heading your way. You either take out an umbrella or a shovel (for a snowstorm). (In the advent of a storm of locusts, well, you do what you can.) With a supervillain takeover, here are some ways you can be proactive.

spider-man-spider-man_00245898

1. First, determine the threat level. Check out the news reports to assess the imminence of the threat. How far along in the nefarious scheme is the villain and his or her henchpeople? Are they still at the threatening stage? (“Unless I’m given one meellion dollars, I will . . .”) If they are, you still have time to get packed and get going with the next tips.
2. Practice your self-defense. While you’re waiting for the villains to make their move, make yours by practicing your kung-fu, archery, knife throwing, or even your tai chi. Supervillains usually come with loads of henchpeople. You may be able to conquer at least one or two with your fighting skills. Also, while everyone else panics and races about, you can chill with tai chi.
3. Keep hydrated. You might have to hide in sub-basements or caves for a long time when the fighting commences. If so, you’ll be thirsty. Start stocking water now, so you can keep hydrated. Try to set up more than one water cache in your town, in case you have to move around.

Horrified_Man_Running_Fast_clipart_image[2]4. Make your relationships betrayal proof. Can you count on your family and friends to avoid selling you out or eating you if they turn into zombies, thanks to the evil gas the supervillains released into the ozone? If not, make your relationships betrayal proof by making things right with friends and relatives while everyone is still human. Offer forgiveness and affirmation. Keep reminding them that friends and family stick together.
5. Keep vaccines on hand. Speaking of zombie-producing gas, you’ll want to stock up on vaccines and other medicines. Again, have more than one cache of these—preferably someplace cool and dry.

VACCINE-VIAL6. Keep off the bridges and high floors. Everyone will be attempting to travel across the available bridges as they flee the city. That means time-consuming gridlock. Look for alternate routes (sewer tunnels, trees [squirrels manage to go from tree to tree at a good clip]), mailing yourself via UPS box). Also, avoid hanging out on high floors. They’re usually the first place enemy drones crash through.
7. Learn how to use a machete. You’ll know why when the time comes.

No need to thank me. Just doing my civic duty. Feel free to pass along any other tips you would add to the list.

And now, let’s get to the winner of Don’t Touch by Rachel M. Wilson.

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That person is . . .

Is . . .

Is . . .

Is . . .

Is . . .

The lovely and vivacious Brickhousechick!

Congrats, Brickhousechick! Please confirm by commenting below!

And for the rest of you out there, keep safe. A gas mask might be the only fashion statement you need to make.

500fullThe Incredibles Omnidroid 10 from gonewiththetwins.com. Vaccine from daiasolgaia.com. Lex Luthor from youngjustice.wikia.com. Megamind from worldsoforos.com. Man running away from paulsjourneytolife.blogspot.com.

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33 thoughts on “Supervillain Preparedness Plan

  1. Chainsaws work too if zombies are the problem. Also, it helps to keep a list of which villains deals with which hero. If Spider-Man is being called on then you might only have to go inside or get a block away because the area damage won’t be that bad. Batman even less. Superman and Wonder Woman is a sign that you should head to an underground bunker or take the first train to another state.

      • Godzilla tends to give enough of a warning, but I think it’s smarter to simply get underground with him. He destroys buildings, but never specifically goes after humans. Thinking about it, I think King Kong has eaten more humans than Godzilla.

        Avengers would probably cause a ton of people to stay with their iPhones ready. Ever wonder if we live in a world where a disaster would cause a majority of the population to take pictures instead of run?

  2. Honestly, I don’t think I’d survive long in a supervillain situation. I’m just not good in a crisis. Though if my friend’s zombie survival plan of buying shares in a cruise ship and stocking it up then waiting out the zombie apocalypse in the middle of the ocean ever gets off the ground, I’m investing in that.

    • Ooo. I would invest in a cruise ship as well, but only if I could be assured that cursed pirates won’t appear somehow. They can walk on the ocean floor. Come to think of it, what guarantee do we have that zombies won’t try that?

  3. Linda, this is great! You had me cracking up throughout. “Can you count on your family and friends to avoid selling you out or eating you if they turn into zombies, thanks to the evil gas the supervillains released into the ozone?” Ha,ha,ha. Love that!

    How excited am I?????? I am a Weeeeener! I was so hoping I would win because I am dying to read this book. Thank you so much Linda & Rachel! 🙂 🙂

    • Yay! Would you prefer the hardcover or an eBook? Your choice. I’m never sure if people have a preference. I just emailed you to get your phone number for package delivery.

    • I don’t blame you for hanging on to your camera. Your photos of your journeys are wonderful. Perhaps you can get a good one when the zombie hordes take over.

  4. Pingback: Posts to Check Out! | A Writer's Life For Me.

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